I'm a big ball of insecurity right now. I start my new job tomorrow and am a little nervous. But my insecurities seem to be with my husband right now. And they seem to be getting worse. Last night he told me that he wanted to get me some heels for Christmas. I was and still am so excited. He had to tall me because he wasn't sure of my shoe size. He guessed a full size bigger. Why he didn't just go look in the closet I don't know. Somehow today I'm just a nervous wreck. His phone is sitting outside and I always wonder if its so I don't hear it ring. I've made it a choice to not go snooping. The last time I slightly snooped I found something I didn't want to know. Over and over again I feel like something bad is happening. I HATE being this girl. My last relationship I wasn't jealous or insecure at all. With my husband I'm the biggest wreck all the time. I need to calm down. I need to have faith and trust. I need to believe him.
I'm a 35 year old woman with a baby. Why on earth are my emotions playing me like a jealous high schooler?
I want my life to work this time. I need to make this work. I want my elated feelings from last night back.
Somehow I'm also terrified that my inlaws don't like me. I'm pretty sure I'm making it up in my head but its a fear. My ex father in law called me the devil before I married his son and said I had brainwashed him. When we divorced he said he realized it wasn't my fault and he loved me. The next guy I dated I still think his dad didn't like me. His dad married his mom after a divorce and his parents had always regarded it badly so I always thought that his dad thought less of me because I was divorced. And I came very close to marrying his son. I'm sure his parents are much happier with his wife now. But that feeling alone has led me to being insecure that my in laws now must not like me. That and I'm terrified that they will think I'm a bad mom.

I want to give away everything my little guy has outgrown. But I want to give it to someone that really needs it. It's much harder to find than I thought possible. My son is in his 6 month clothes and pushing into 9 months and I was given so much for him. I want to return the favor.